Dave's Fiction Warehouse

A dirty thief crept by the other night. Some idiot left our 11-year-old Toyota unlocked and the miscreant was able to rifle the glove box and center console. My initial investigation revealed only one thing missing: a single iPhone charging cord, blue in color.  Could have been worse. Could have left a Glock and a Samsonite full of cash out there. Fortunately, I possess neither. I did have a pretty nice pressure gauge, but it was ignored. Apparently, footbound bandits don’t concern themselves with proper tire inflation. Casual theft was a bigger problem in the Jacksonville neighborhood we left to move back here. Little groups of teens would wander the streets at all hours, trying door handles and nicking Amazon packages off front porches. Also locked bikes, holiday decorations and house plants. Everyday someone would post a Ring video of some dudes or dudettes strolling away with their stuff. In Springfield, we all came to feel that if you left any door or gate unlocked for even f...

I probably need to lay off Dateline for awhile. It’s gotten to where I can identify the killer about 10 minutes into any episode.  When they get to the part about the “shocking new development” that “turns the case upside down” – let’s just say the development is not that shocking to Inspector Dave. This grisly murder ain’t my first rodeo, friends. No doubt I’d be the world’s foremost criminal investigator by now, had I bothered to pursue a career in, you know, criminal investigation.  We all have our guilty pleasures; true crime is one of mine. Dateline is at the top of the list, mostly because of the show’s sharp production values and Keith Morrison’s laughably-arch delivery. But there are dozens of similar shows and I’ve sampled most at one time or another. By now they’re all kind of running together.  They all start with a panicked 911 call and end with a poignant statement by a loved one. Nearly all motives involve some combination of sex, money or revenge. Nearly al...