Dave's Fiction Warehouse

I ’m a great fan of words, even though they often fail me. So I eventually notice when new words arise and old words pass from usage or evolve in meaning. I mention this because Merriam-Webster recently announced it has added 1,400 new words to its dictionary. That seems like a lot. If I sat down with a pen and paper I could list and define maybe a couple dozen of them unaided. “Looksmaxxing,” for example. I always think of the vain and vacuous Pete Hegseth when I hear this word. Everything about this dude – the metallic hair, the seamless suit, the cosmetics, the robotic gestures – tells you that his mirror transcends any military concern.  I’ve heard the term “Rickroll” quite a bit, but confess I didn’t really know what it meant. Turns out it’s an online joke, where you trick somebody into clicking a link to the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by English singer Rick Astley. Why that song, I have no idea. If I was going to trick somebody into hearing a crappy song, it would ...

G oogle’s AI agent Gemini recently reminded me, via e-mail, that I am contractually obligated to produce a minimum of 4,000 words per annum for this blog.  See, Google runs Blogger, which hosts DavesFiction.com for free. Except I find it’s not quite free. Buried deeply in the terms and conditions that I thoughtlessly clicked past when setting up this blog, there is a clause or two stipulating that because Gemini’s appetite for original content is expanding exponentially, I and every other “content creator” using its platform must do my part to feed it. Otherwise, Gemini notes, it might end up dining on its own stuff – and what kind of person feeds horse poop to the pony?  My first thought was just to bang out some nonsense text strings – stuff like “ sadlk adso lfjken dakljoens ” – until I reached the desired word count. But the thing about artificial intelligence is that it’s intelligent enough to know when humans are phoning it in. The next paragraph of Gemini’s email points...

How'd that pansy get there?   I ’ve surrendered to the dandelions this year. Same with the sundry other unidentified weeds that make up most of my front yard. They’re all God’s flora, right? I’ve wasted too much time and money trying to stand in their way. Grow free, my pretties! It’s your lawn now and I can’t wait to see what you do with it. Actually that’s pretty evident already. The thing about dandelions; you mow them down and those coppery stalks immediately rise again like charmed cobras, pushing their fluffy globes aloft. It's like they're sentient and have figured out how to duck the blade.  I’m not sure of the botanical processes at work here. My strategy now is to feign stoicism and convince myself that this is nature’s way.  I doubt the neighbors agree. Everyone else in the ’hood pays a lawn service to come once a week. I cut my grass less often than they do, so the property lines become sharply delineated as the week wears on. It’s right there, where my forest...

T hree episodes in, I’m loving “ Widow’s Bay ,” the comedy/horror series on Apple TV. While it’s hard to tell whether “comedy” or “horror” should come first in any given episode, the writing, direction and cast have proven deft on both counts. It’s not a show where I spend any time looking at my phone. Matthew Rhys (best known for “The Americans”) is the mayor of a seaside village in New England, determined to make it a tourist destination despite continuing evidence that the place is cursed. Think “Jaws” with a supernatural element and a dark sense of humor. Or, say, "Northern Exposure" set in Castle Rock, Maine. His main antagonist is a crusty old tar played by Stephen Root (lately of “Barry”). Kate O’Flynn (whom I first took note of in “ Landscapers ”) is perfect as the mayor’s perpetually aggrieved and hyper sensitive assistant. Then there’s the great Dale Dickey , who extends her run of playing hard-bitten women who dispense questionable wisdom and don’t put up with a lo...

I hate AI, but I asked it to crap out this image anyway. I f there were an app that tracked my personal use of the F-word (and there may be; I haven’t checked) it would doubtless show a dramatic increase over the past 10 years. Every day I look at the news and “fuck” is the first word that comes to mind. Often the second and third words too. Feels like I’m approaching singularity: One day, every word that comes out of my mouth will  be some permutation of what used to be the mother of all profanities. When that day comes, I will convey meaning only by subtle variations of volume and tone.  Fuck. I’ve always been proud of my vocabulary, and now it too is going, along with strength, agility, and the ability to instantly identify film stars appearing in other roles.   I blame Trump, of course. And popular culture, which has embraced profanity even more enthusiastically than I. Dialog on streaming services is now about 38 percent “fuck” and “fuck”-related. I know it mak...