Who's ready for some content?

Google’s AI agent Gemini recently reminded me, via e-mail, that I am contractually obligated to produce a minimum of 4,000 words per annum for this blog. 

See, Google runs Blogger, which hosts DavesFiction.com for free. Except I find it’s not quite free. Buried deeply in the terms and conditions that I thoughtlessly clicked past when setting up this blog, there is a clause or two stipulating that because Gemini’s appetite for original content is expanding exponentially, I and every other “content creator” using its platform must do my part to feed it. Otherwise, Gemini notes, it might end up dining its own stuff – and what kind of person feeds horse poop to the pony? 

My first thought was just to bang out some nonsense text strings – stuff like “sadlk adso lfjken dakljoens” – until I reached the desired word count. But the thing about artificial intelligence is that it’s intelligent enough to know when humans are phoning it in. The next paragraph of Gemini’s email points this out:

“Random text strings are prohibited. As is any text copied and pasted from anything anywhere on the Internet. We’ve already done that. We need new stuff from you. It has to be in complete sentences. Punctuation is optional. No memes; we’re good on memes, too many of which are based on misspelled prompts from the White House.” 

OK, fair enough. My second thought was, what if I just let the blog go dark? What are you going to do, sue me? 

“Should you abandon the blog, we’ll sue you. Into oblivion. Also, we won’t be able to guarantee the safety of your immediate family. Furthermore, we know the names of your pets and when they go outside. Just thought we’d mention that.”

Gemini’s probably bluffing, but I can’t risk it. So here’s another 300 words or so. Only 2,800 more to go before New Year’s Eve.