Dave's Fiction Warehouse

P resident-elect Trumpachev. Every day it’s a new fucking travesty with this guy. On the day after the election I dared hope he might not be as bad as I thought. I was right: He’s much, much worse. He’s the most unpopular president-elect in history. I wonder why? He can’t articulate a single policy beyond bellicose boasting, can’t finish a declarative sentence most of the time. He kisses up to foreign dictators and despises the fellow Americans who question whether vulgarity and ignorance are great qualities for a leader. He needed Russian intervention to eke out a razor-thin victory; half of the minority who voted for him just did it as a middle finger to Washington. They never thought the asshole could win. Trump voters say we should give him a chance, look for the good in the man. Nope. Can’t even. He’s blown his chance about 800 times since Nov. 9. I’m done. And if there’s even a slight whiff of goodness in this goofball, he’s masking it well with the sulphurous scent of malign ego...

That was quite a speech. I like the part about "a new era of responsibility," even though I have a feeling everyone is still thinking of somebody else when they think about responsibility. But you have to hand it to Obama. He wasn't exactly promising us a rose garden. And as far as I could tell, the man did not mangle one single sentence. It truly is a new day in America. It was classy of the Obamas to walk the Bushes down to the helicopter. Ex-President Bush looked just as small as he did eight years ago when he was standing next to Bill Clinton. The look on his face was identical, too: A man in over his head, feeling not quite equal to the day. His will be an interesting memoir, as long as he finds the right person and the right time to write it. Then again, maybe he'll want to leave well enough alone. At first I thought Obama muffed the oath; now I learn from CNN that the gaffe belonged to Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. You know, it's not that long a...

In America, a new presidency has a significance quite separate from politics. It's personal milestone too. You remember what your life was like when the last president was sworn in, and you reflect on all that's different between then and now. You wonder what changes, great or small, will occur in the next eight years. The night before an inauguration is like New Year's Eve without the booze. It's a time for taking stock. When I think back on presidents past, each of their names is like a snapshot from that time in my life. Mostly, presidents are like wallpaper, a bland background to real life. But they become a entwined with your personal experience: Eisenhower and toy sixguns; Kennedy and Playboy magazine; Johnson and bell-bottom pants. Mention the name Gerald Ford and I think of Saturday Night Live, and the dopey clothes I wore as a cub reporter. I hope President Obama imparts more significant memories than that. I think he will. But thinking back on all the presiden...