Dave's Fiction Warehouse

When The Onion was new, way back in the '90s, I used to visit every day. Now I stop by every few weeks or so. Not that the writing has gotten worse; far from it. I just love this gem -- even as I lament the fact that it's so, so true. But that's the secret of satire, isn't it? It has to be firmly grounded in truth. That's something Saturday Night Live or MadTV should look into sometime. Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever

Against all logic, I am now the proud owner of a high-definition television. It is about the size of a highway billboard, and delivers programs I would never otherwise watch with amazing clarity. Yesterday, for example, we were viewing the Daytona 500. I've gotten through my life so far without ever caring about this event, but since it was mentioned by the guy who sold us the TV, we decided to tune in. The Daytona 500 looks good in high-def. You can see all these belogoed cars roaring around the track almost as if you were there. Around and around, for quite a long time. The race itself still seems pretty pointless, but the picture is amazing. Hey, if they had a show about paint drying, I'd watch it too -- as long as it was in high def. It's too bad they don't have high-def writing. Wouldn't that help revitalize a dying pastime? In addition to being able to count the pores on Rob Lowe's face in a lame series like "Brothers & Sisters," we'd als...

Ian McEwan's Atonement remains one of my favorite novels, so it was just a matter of time before I got around to seeing the movie. Mostly, I was curious to see how a director and his screenwriters could make sense of a such a nuanced work, one that relies so heavily on interior dialog. I'm impressed. Although I've not yet talked with anyone who saw the movie without first reading the book, the film deserves the praise it's getting, and I'll be recommending a few key Oscars -- just as soon as my Academy credentials come through. Best supporting actress won't be among them, though. Saoirse Ronan is fine as the young Briony Tallis, but the character is later played by two other women, neither of whom particularly resemble her in appearance, mannerism or emotional demeanor. Should this matter? To me it does. Sorry, Saoirse (I hope I'm pronouncing that right), but you've got a long career ahead of you. In many ways, Atonement is an old-school film, much ...

R egular readers of this blog will no doubt ... wait, this just in: There are no regular readers of this blog. Perhaps it has something to do with the infrequent updates, which now coincide roughly with lunar eclipses. And maybe the reason for that is, I haven't read any fiction worth blogging about for the last couple of months. Yes, I know it's out there; I just haven't read it. In fact, I haven't done much of anything except play a dumb computer game called "Lord of the Rings Online" and go to work. No excuses here; I'm going to lay it all off on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Won't you please help? So. No books on the nightstand; let me talk about work. For the past year and a half, my job has consisted of editing letters to the editor. It has exposed me to the dark underbelly of this community -- a world of querulous oldsters, mostly, and a few other bitter souls to whom the rules of grammar and spelling are further evidence of Mainstream Media el...

Personally, I don't care if this writers strike never ends. The longer it goes on, the better I like it. We're already seeing big dividends: the cancellation of this year's Golden Globes. Instead of the usual parade of vain and vacant actors and their unusual wardrobes, it'll be a one-hour press conference Sunday night. Now there's some compelling television: CSPAN with Botox. I won't be tuning in, but if you do there's no need to touch that remote: The press conference will be followed by a rerun of American Gladiators . I like the strike for two reasons. First, it's useful to occasionally remind Americans that actors don't think up those wise and witty things they say, that without printed words written by others, they can't even give each other awards. Second, it is proving what many have longed thought true: It really doesn't matter what's on TV; people will watch it anyway. A rerun of American Gladiators ? The contempt this sh...