The wife and I were talking about sexual harassment a couple of weeks ago. I forget which famous man was accused and fired that day; you lose track after awhile. But I do remember saying, “Jeez, who’s next, Garrison Keillor?” It was a joke. I was trying to come up with a famous person, other than Pope Francis, who would seem least likely to play the horndog […]
Judgment Day
It’s all about
the cowboy hats
I won’t second-guess the acquittal of the Bundys and their fellow travelers. Yes, they did take over a public facility and held it by threatening to kill anybody who tried to interfere. Yes, they did trash the place to the tune of about $1.7 million. Yes, they did dig a 50-foot trench through a protected area so they’d have a place to shit. Yes, they did grievously […]
Racism rule of thumb
The rule of thumb is just this: If you have to tell people you’re not racist, you are a racist. Thus, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump again confirms what even casual observers already know: Well, I am not a racist, in fact, I am the least racist person that you’ve ever encountered. Least racist? Always with the superlatives, this guy. I imagine New York Times reporter Marc […]
Sidewalk swine
In my neighborhood, people don’t just park on the street. They park on the grass between the sidewalk and street (called the CROW, for City Right of Way). They park on their lawns. They park in the alleys. And they all too frequently park on the sidewalk itself. That last part pisses me off. I guess it pisses a lot of people off here in Springfield: Somebody […]
A short killer and his tall clown
Today we consider Dennis Rodman, the man who put the “ass” in “ambassador.” Rodman’s back in North Korea to help celebrate the 31st birthday of its leader, Kim Jong Un — at one point actually serenading the pudgy tyrant from the floor. It’s hard to say who’s exhibiting worse judgment here: Rodman or Dr. Evil. I guess neither has much to lose, image-wise. Kim rules through mass […]
One twit’s fight for fame
I've kept my own counsel on this Edward Snowden case. I didn’t want to judge him too quickly. My first impulse was to dismiss him as a self-aggrandizing little twit, who surely can’t really believe that the security apparatus of his own country is more pernicious than those maintained by his new friends in China, Russia, Cuba and Ecuador. But now I have sufficient facts to render […]
Money in the mail
Lucky me. Today I received this check in the mail for $1,350, from my good friends at U.S. Airlines. Apparently I can use it for round-trip tickets to any place in the country. Sweet. Now all I have to do is figure out where in the hell U.S. Airlines is, exactly. I know it’s not U.S. Airways, since that carrier isn’t known for sending out checks willy-nilly, […]