Not cool, Michelangelo. Sculpting that schlong onto your statue of David? Not cool at all.
Yeah, you got away with it for more than 520 years, probably chortling all the while. But now, boy, you’re in the Free State of Florida.
In this bastion of liberty, parents adhere to a strict no-johnson policy when it comes to Renaissance masterpieces. When the principal of the Tallahassee Classical School let your creepy statue be included in an art lesson – bam! She was out on her liberal ass. See what happens?
You might be a hell of a sculptor, Mike, but that don’t mean diddly in DeSantisland.
Don’t take it personally though. All sorts of degenerates are under the gun here: shady folks like Judy Blume, Toni Morrison, James Patterson. Basically anyone with the cojones to write about the various permutations of human sexuality.
Sculpting an actual wang is way too woke. What were you thinking? I mean, even The Simpsons saw this coming 30 years ago. Why couldn’t you?