Up, up and … down

We were tracking that Chinese spy balloon here at the Warehouse. But now it’s been shot down off the Carolinas. Biden says U.S. fighters took care of it, but did they? We don’t trust the government. We trust MAGA and Marge Greene.  

Yes, the balloon was at an altitude somewhat beyond the range of weapons used primarily for school massacres. But when you believe in Qanon and Jewish space lasers and rampant election fraud, as Marge does, it’s not that hard to believe that your gun can shoot 12 miles. Especially if you climb a really tall tree to do it. It’s just common sense!

Last time Americans got this excited about a balloon was in 2009, when noted publicity whore Richard Heene told authorities his 6-year-old son was trapped in a primitive craft drifting across Colorado. Turned out that the kid, Falcon (of course), was in the attic instead. The Heenes were fined $36,000 and got some jail time out of it. They were pardoned in 2020, for reasons that remain unclear to me.

Probably too much to hope that China’s President Xi will receive similar punishment. Like Richard Heene, he claims the whole thing is just a mixup. Could happen to anybody: “What, you guys have never seen an errant weather balloon?” Unlike Richard Heene, he didn’t claim his child was aboard.

Then there’s the whole extradition thing. I predict a slap on the wrist. But no way he’s getting that balloon back.