Bonfire of my vanity

Take a look at the composite picture above: What do the five faces have in common?

I’ll just wait here while you ponder. Hint: It’s not the Dave Clark Five. It’s not the Five Amigos. It’s not the Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It’s not the Five Guys. It’s not the Five Pillars of Islam.

No, my friends, these five faces represent the closest resemblance to yours truly, according the Google Arts and Culture app that’s been wasting a ton of bandwidth on social media over the last few weeks.

I saw a story about this stupid app and downloaded it today. I thought it might be fun to see which famous painting would have a guy who looked like me.

Yeah, real fun. I should point out that the image on the left is the one that came up first. As you can see, things didn’t improve much over the next four tries. As the kids would say: WTF?

Not that it matters, but the reference image is my profile image: a selfie that, like all of them, fails to capture the essence of the cool person I imagine myself to be. I have to admit that none of the Google suggestions seem that much worse.

You lose your looks, so I guess at some point all you have is wisdom. That’s where I am right now: Wisdom, baby. I’ll go ahead and delete that app.