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It’s all junk, eventually

May 8, 2015 by Dave Knadler

Let's start lining these up along the equator.

Let’s start lining these up along the equator.

Awhile back, I almost bought one of those Keurig machines. My brother and his wife have one and I was impressed by how conveniently it could brew a good cup of coffee. Never mind that I already have a decent coffee maker and drink about five cups a day; those shiny new Keurigs kept calling my name every time I’d wander through a Costco.

I resisted the urge, though. Maybe we really do get wiser with age. When I heard about Keurig’s monopoly play last year, I almost injured my arm from patting myself on the back. Basically, the company rigged their new machines to reject anything but the Keurig® brand non-recyclable K-cups. No more reusable cups, and no more picking your own brand of java. It was the Keurig way or the highway, and the Keurig way means about $50 a pound for coffee — on top of the $150 or so for the machine itself.

The company probably could have foreseen that its customers’ heads would explode. Soon enough, sales tanked and the stock price slipped 10 percent. So this week, in a gesture spun to seem like a great gift to mankind, Keurig said it would allow the reusable cups again, and let customers decide which sort of coffee they’d like.

How wonderful. But I’m still glad I didn’t buy a Keurig. The whole affair reminds me that there is a law of diminishing returns when it comes to lifestyle convenience.

It isn’t just Keurig. Whether it’s a coffee maker or an Apple Watch, you pay increasingly more for increasingly less. The Keurig might save you nine minutes — time better spent perusing your tweets on the toilet, maybe. The Apple Watch spares you from removing the iPhone from your pocket as frequently as you otherwise might. You pay a lot of money and you don’t get much back — just buyer’s remorse and another device heading quickly toward obsolescence.

It’s the obsolescence that bothers me most. The waste. Also, I don’t have an unlimited amount of money. You’ve probably heard the statistic that there are enough discarded K-cups to circle the globe 10 times (assuming somebody had the time to do it). You could probably say the same thing of old iPhones, regularly discarded in favor of new ones with marginally better technology. Or, really, just about anything that needs an outlet or a battery.

Remember the Paul McCartney song “Junk”?

“Buy, buy, says the sign in the shop window.
Why, why? says the junk in the yard.”

More along these lines:

  • The Liar, the Confessor, and usThe Liar, the Confessor, and us
  • There will be blood
  • We don’t need no stinking Holiday InnWe don’t need no stinking Holiday Inn
  • Can we leave Hitler out of this?
  • The worst sort of stupid

Filed Under: american life, business, luddite rants

About Dave Knadler

Obscure writer. Lazy photographer. Bashful guitarist. Perhaps too fond of wine. Tireless nemesis of New York Times crosswords.

Comments

  1. Sheila says

    May 8, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    We’ve missed you, and are so glad you’re still writing…as for Keurig coffee makers, I’m old enough to know I don’t need any more STUFF in my life, and my old coffee maker will do just fine!

    • Dave Knadler says

      May 8, 2015 at 5:50 pm

      I hear that. I never consider buying any new thing without first considering what to do with the old thing. It gets complicated. Better to save the dough.

  2. Deanna says

    May 8, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    Keurig, you had your chance. Game over.

    • Dave Knadler says

      May 8, 2015 at 11:17 pm

      Yep. They almost had me 🙂

  3. Michael Stockhill says

    May 9, 2015 at 11:31 am

    You don’t have an unlimited amount of money?

    Welcome aboard.

    Good to see you posting again.

    Stock

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