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All about the Benjamins 2.0

September 26, 2013 by Dave Knadler

new $100 bills

These are not for you.

How many times this year have you had a $100 bill in your possession? For me, maybe once. They just don’t come around like they used to.

So it’s with a certain detachment that I read about Uncle Sam minting a snazzy new C-note that’s harder to counterfeit. I suppose it matters in North Korea, where counterfeiting ranks right behind starvation as the national pastime, but the rest of us here in the lower 99 percent of Americans probably won’t be seeing many of the new bills.

The most telling thing about the story is, as usual, the thousands of crusty comments that have glommed onto it like barnacles. America’s education system may rank near the bottom in developed nations, but all Americans are experts on fiscal policy. The noted economists on Yahoo’s news site weigh in thusly (small errors intact) on the new $100 bill:

  • “… it will end up in Saudi Arabia, China, Isreal, or any number of nations we waste our money on.”
  • “… fodder only for drug dealers and congressmen, plus the occasional CEO.”
  • “Obama is the world’s biggest counterfeiter.”
  • “1923 Weimar Republic brought to you by the Obama voters who have economic I.Q. less than Zero.”
  • “Read about hyperinflation in the Weimar Republic, and educate yourself.”
  • “Russia and China have declared it worthless and will no longer accept US Dollars for Trade. They have also informed their trading partners to not accept US Dollars for Trade and convert their Monitory Systems.”
  • “Gold, silver and gems are the currency of the future.”
  • “This will be the new gold-backed currency after the dollar is taken down to zero, debt default for the country, chaos and then the NWO.”
  • “Bring back the gold standard.”
  • “It’s still worth only $55.00.”
  • “Is it even worth $30?”
  • “It’s still only worth about $20.”
  • “$100 is the new $1.”
  • “Soon to be worth the same as a penny.”
  • “The new toilet paper.”

And so it goes. I love the comparisons to the Weimar Republic. Top inflation then reached about 29,000 percent, as opposed to, let’s see… about 1.5 percent over the last year in the United States. So like all analogies that try to invoke the rise of the Third Reich, maybe this one is a little exaggerated. Maybe they’re thinking of Banana Republic, the retail chain, where a hundred bucks won’t get you a whiff of the clerk’s cologne.

Anyway, I think the new bills look kind of cool. In the unlikely event that one of them should come my way soon, I don’t think I’ll be wiping my ass with it.

More along these lines:

  • nba players union greedWhich greedy bastards do you support?
  • florida beggarMoney for nothing? I don’t think so.
  • kim jong unNo place like Pyongyang for the holidays
  • Stabilize those death videos
  • nebraska TV watchingI’ll take ‘Nebraska’

Filed Under: american life, Other Stuff

About Dave Knadler

Obscure writer. Lazy photographer. Bashful guitarist. Perhaps too fond of wine. Tireless nemesis of New York Times crosswords.

Comments

  1. Sheila says

    September 26, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Be still, my heart! After such a LONG dry spell, we get two of your posts practically at once. Whatever brought it on, I’m grateful…love to read the musings of a fellow curmudgeon! Now, please keep it up!

    • Dave Knadler says

      October 1, 2013 at 10:49 am

      Thanks. I keep deciding to quit doing this, then I keep deciding not to.

  2. John H. says

    September 26, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    I’m with Sheila. Curmudgeons unite!… ok maybe not.

    There is very little intersection between reality and internet comments. At times, I think there is very little intersection between reality and human cognition.

    I dislike hundreds because it’s just not cool to pay for a $4 Jamba Juice with a hundred-dollar bill. “Sorry, it’s what the ATM gave me,” doesn’t make it any better.

  3. Joan says

    September 26, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    The comments you find on Yahoo’s news site are similar to the ones you find everywhere right after middle school lets out, mostly in red states.

    • Paula says

      September 26, 2013 at 6:50 pm

      Also much like the comments of the right wing regulars on the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. The tea party trolls are unworthy of space on the oldest paper west of the Mississippi, or anywhere else.

    • Dave Knadler says

      October 1, 2013 at 10:50 am

      I think you’ve hit on something there.

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