Dave's Fiction Warehouse

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I recently had a heart attack

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Maybe it's just the flu.

Maybe it’s just the flu.

Remember that scene toward the end of Dr. Zhivago, when Yuri sees Lara out a trolley window and rushes after her, only to collapse in the street and die? Now that’s a heart attack.

My own was less cinematic. It started as a dull ache high in the chest on the last day of 2012. The pain waxed and waned over the next couple of days. Because I also had a couple of vomiting spells in that time, I thought I had the flu. There was no pain in the left arm, no elevated pulse and no trouble breathing. There was no Julie Christie. When I finally decided to visit one of those quick-care clinics on Wednesday, I fully expected the doctor to slip me a placebo and tell me to get out of there.

Instead I found myself shirtless in the back of an ambulance, covered with adhesive sensors and fielding repetitive questions from the EMTs. Even then I was pretty sure somebody had made a mistake. Over the whoop of the siren I began a mental inventory of all the double cheeseburgers I’d known, all the marbled steaks and creamy desserts. There weren’t that many by American standards. I’m no Lance Armstrong, but I do exercise pretty regularly. I haven’t smoked in 35 years. My one big dietary vice is buttered popcorn, but I’d cut back on that, too. I didn’t understand how it could be a heart attack.

Well, it was. I think I had about 10 doctors look in on me during my two-day stay at the hospital. They were all of one mind: I had a blockage somewhere and they had to shove a catheter up through my groin to have a look. Depending on what they found, they might have to install a stent or two. If the blockage was more severe, I was looking at bypass surgery. This was worrisome news. My wife was there so I maintained an upbeat demeanor, but there were a couple of moments where I felt like crying.

Not because it was another brush with mortality. At this age I’ve come to accept that anything can happen at any time. I get that. The thing that bothered me most was that I will never again be able to take one of those medical forms and check “no” for every condition on there. I had taken some foolish pride in that. I am not rich and I’m not famous and I can turn no heads with my physical appearance, but, damn it, I’m healthy.

I’m still OK, I guess. Just without the bragging rights. The good news is that they found only minor damage, not worth roto-rooting or fixing with a stent. The bad news is that now I have a shaved groin that is starting to itch. The other bad news is that now I am one of those active seniors with too many prescription bottles in the medicine chest. Each morning I squint at the labels and think: God. How long until I’m lurching around in one of those power scooters too?

I know: It’s wrong to cavil about the terms of one’s survival. I’ll try to make the best of it. My cholesterol wasn’t off the charts but it has to go down, so maybe in the process I’ll become more svelte. Always with the vanity. The kids all phoned when they found out, so I feel closer to them. I feel closer to Tess. And there must be some way I can parlay this into a lifetime excuse for skipping a variety of events I don’t feel like attending.

Finally, I have another story to tell: Me 2, Death 0. It’s not as dramatic as Yuri Zhivago’s, but I can assure you it will become more so as the years go by.

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Comments

  2. Wonderful that you got treatment and the damage was slight. Now you can write a lot more posts for us!

  3. Ah, yes! So glad it all worked out because we’d MISS the fiction warehouse more than you know…keep feeling better!

  4. Well Dave, I’d say this was fairly dramatic…..but I’m happy there wasn’t a ‘walk into the white light’ section. The great news is that there was no surgery needed and you just have a couple more items to add to that New Year’s repair list. Take good care and drop us a line when you’re up to it.

    ~~ I’m chagrined to say I had to look up ‘cavil’ so now I own it.

  5. Glad everything came out OK Dave. Your right on when you say anything can happen at anytime. I also have my morning pill issue, but so far its just the fish oil.

  6. Jeez, Dave.

    Glad it wasn’t even more serious.

    Hope this wasn’t one of those 2013 anticipated small repairs you referred to in your last post.

    M

  9. It tough when you have to admit you’re not invincible…but it’s just another thing to live with. Also, I think it is good to have a reminder that good health can’t be taken for granted. I’m glad all is well with you, Dave….and you look like you are in great shape.

  10. Dave- it’s too bad that your wonderful gift for writing had to be on this topic, but of course not being around to write about it would be worse. I’m so glad to hear that this was relatively mild and addressed early. Take good care.

    Paul

  12. Whoa. Narrowly avoided a death knell. I am so glad you are still with us to blog about it. I had to look up cavil!

    • Dave, You’ll do anything to get out of staying up past midnight on New Year’s Eve. I missed you. When Teresa said you had a flu-like illness I knew you were kind to stay at home. When I learned of your heart attack I was very concerned. I am SO THANKFUL that you are going to be O.K. What if you can’t score 100% on the health form; you are alive and can score THAT!

  13. Hi Dave, so glad you are okay.
    You can’t hold down a good man.
    Hope you future doesn’t give you anymore scares.

    • Whatever happened to her, anyway? At the time, she was considered the sexiest woman alive. My father in law used to make noises in the theater when she’d appear.

  15. That was scary. You need to take good care of yourself. Fish oil is no big deal, just kinda gross if you burp!

  16. One would think that a former champion barrel stave skier would be immune to such mundane physical travesty, maybe
    there is something to that distilled water thing after all. Glad to
    hear you are doing fine despite the aggressive itch, I hear tell
    Monte’s Mobile Circumcision is now offering bikini wax specials
    in your area real soon.
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    • It is a travesty, but a heart attack is a small price to pay if it brings Cobra Braxton out of the woodwork.

      It’s true, I’ve had to cut back a bit on the barrel-stave waterskiing.