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‘The Bachelor’: That’s a line I won’t cross

March 12, 2012 by Dave Knadler

cialis tubs the bachelor

They forgot the remote. And the TV.

You know, since I dropped eight bucks on a set of rabbit ears and started getting free HD television, I’ve done a lot of viewing I’m not proud of: CSI: Special Victims Unit. Judge Judy. Reruns of The Rifleman. American Idol. Until tonight, I thought there was really no limit to how far I was willing to go.

Then came The Bachelor. I watched five minutes of it and had to go outside and clear my head. I stood there for awhile, looking into the twilight for answers that wouldn’t come. I wondered: Does the Bachelor get to bed all those fine ladies? If so, that’s a pretty sweet gig. For him. I understand that the female contestants do get some benefit, such as the TV exposure, which in turn could lead to appearances at state fairs and Kotex commercials somewhere down the line. But for now it seems like they’re getting the short end.

Consider: They have to make goo-goo eyes at one of the biggest reality-TV dorks in recent memory, and keep a straight face while they say on national television that they really could see loving and spending the rest of their lives with him. You know, should they be lucky enough to be chosen.

That’s some heavy freight. Think of the indelible regrets, years from now. First, that they were ever on such a show, and second, that they weren’t even chosen. Explain that one to the kids. It seems they were also contractually obligated to never mention his stupid haircut. So all in all, I’d say they’re working harder for the money than he is.

I know, this has all been debated before. And I don’t mind a little sexism, as long as there’s something sexy about it. I don’t mind seeing fake women being fake-humiliated in fake scenarios, since they’re all of legal age and have all eagerly elbowed their way to one of the coveted slots in The Bachelor’s fake harem.

But somebody please tell me: What is this show about? It’s not reality, because not a single televised moment of it could ever occur in an unscripted situation. It’s not drama or tragedy or comedy or psychological thriller, because there are no characters and no story. (Did I mention that the untalented Mr. Flajnik and his soul mate haven’t spoken since shortly after the finale was taped?) You get more genuine humanity in one of those Cialis commercials where the man and woman end up in matching tubs while a voice drones on about possible side-effects.

My theory is this: “Reality” TV is dying, but can never be truly dead until one show proves for all time exactly how bad this genre can be. Ladies and gentlemen, I submit that The Bachelor is that show. So no more grousing for me. From now on, the quality of my free entertainment has nowhere to go but up.

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Filed Under: tv

Comments

  1. Joan says

    March 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    You lasted five minutes? Why? Yeesh!

  2. Sylvia says

    March 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    So, have you ditched the cable companies for local networks only? I live in a condo and am contemplating using a digital HD antenna for my TV viewing, if I can get decent reception in a multifamily bldg. My Kindle is now more valuable to me than TV anyway…

    • Dave Knadler says

      March 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

      Yep, no cable here. If we want Breaking Bad or Mad Men we just pay for the episodes on Hulu or Amazon. Still much cheaper than a monthly cable package.

      If you’re in the Jax area, a cheap set of rabbit ears (not more than $10 or $12) will bring in most of the network stations and WJCT, in HD. No need to go to a high-end antenna, unless you’re blocked by tall buildings or terrain. Signal can get a little iffy during really bad weather, but mostly it’s fine.

  3. Dirk Krinkle says

    March 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Honestly, I find the Bachelor and similar shows to be squarely within the “So bad, it’s good” category — but I’d be lying if I said I watched more than 1 or 2 episodes per season. My friends and I, in the past, have resorted to betting on the outcome — we place bets on our favorite “champions”, and whoever advances furthest wins the pot.

    • Dave Knadler says

      March 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

      That is exactly the way to approach a show like this: extremely low camp. I like the idea of the betting pool. Pick a favorite at the outset, and then check in a few weeks later to see whether you’re still in the running. Makes as much sense as March Madness.

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