Sympathy for the jammer

Let’s talk again about jerks and cell phones. This story out of Philly, about the guy caught jamming cell signals on a SEPTA bus, has been getting quite a bit of traction. The thoughtful, reasoned comments I’m seeing range from A to B: (A), the guy’s a &*%$# criminal and should get his *#%$# ass beat, and (B), those &*%$# morons yapping into their phones should drop &*%$# dead sooner rather than later.

I probably lean to side B. But I seem to be in the minority. Apparently, by now most Americans can’t imagine a world without the freedom to conduct loud and insipid conversations any place they happen to be. Suggest that maybe there are some venues where people should be quiet, and they always invoke the specter of “an emergency.” Like, what if they get stabbed by some enraged bystander who has become sick of the endless prattling? And as a result they really need to get in touch with 911? OK, I take that point.

Personally, my first reaction to this was, “Hey, where can I get one of those things?” I never really think about hypothetical medical emergencies; I just think of the idiots compelled to answer their phones right in the middle of the movie or concert. I think of all those business travelers at the airport, babbling away into their Bluetooth headsets while they stride back and forth in front of long-suffering introverts. I think of the woman on the train who opened her phone in Philly and loudly discussed her boyfriend all the way to New York, ignoring repeated requests by the conductor to tone it down. I should mention that this was a local, not the express.

There are many wonderful people in this world. But they are far outnumbered by clueless swine. Nearly all of the swine now have phones, and, unaccountably, someone who will listen. If I could shut them up at the touch of a button — or a portable rocket launcher — well, that would be wrong. But a man can dream.