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On this home tour, there will be no refunds

November 30, 2011 by Dave Knadler

Maybe I need some more lights.

For some reason, a few neighbor ladies came by in September and asked us to be on the Christmas home tour this year. For some reason, we consented.

Despite many lessons to the contrary, I’m often surprised when commitments made in one month cannot be simply forgotten in another. Now it’s almost December and the home tour is coming right up. They’re actually selling tickets to this thing. I’ve put out some feelers; apparently the ladies still expect us to participate.

The thing is, we’re not really home-tour people. If Martha Stewart were to drop by sometime, she might quickly excuse herself and spend the rest of the visit sitting in her car. We like our house and our stuff, but if Martha Stewart were going to do a makeover, she’d probably start by hiring a dump truck.

We’ve acquired quite a bit of Christmas stuff over time, but not much of it really ties a room together. Our ornaments are sort of a hodgepodge. They come out of the box like a big old Yuletide snowball that’s picked up way too much debris in its long roll down the years. There are tacky gewgaws from newspapers we used to work at. There are some sentimental things the kids made in school. For every light string that works, there are two that don’t. Normally we mix and match, pick up some new lights and a couple of wreaths, and call it good. But I suppose the folks paying $10 for a ticket will expect something more.

In September, there was loose talk that the homeowners’ group would send over a couple of gay guys to dispense decorating advice when the time came. Nobody decorates like gay guys, right? So far, they haven’t appeared. So now I’m starting to appreciate the gravity of the situation. Which means I went out to Lowe’s again today, for about the 40th time in the last couple of weeks. I’ve got a problem here, and I’m throwing money at it. If I had good taste, of course, I’d throw that instead.

More along these lines:

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  • Sarah Palin’s American History X
  • kim jong unNo place like Pyongyang for the holidays
  • the strain book coverThoroughly modern vampires
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Filed Under: Me, Other Stuff

Comments

  1. Lane Manis says

    November 30, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Hi Dave,
    Can’t wait to see your house. It’s going to be great–just like ours with a mishmash of “stuff” from over the years. Gotta say I love Lowe’s and Target–good thing they are so close together!

  2. nancy says

    November 30, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Dave, It’s time to channel your inner gay. Make it fabulous! xoxox

  3. John H. says

    December 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

    It looks like Herman Cain has some time on his hands now. Maybe he can provide some pizzas. Free pizza makes any home a showplace.

  4. Deanna Harms says

    December 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Just read in your more recent post that 500 people came through your house. You are fearless. Or something. xo

    • Dave Knadler says

      December 19, 2011 at 11:14 pm

      I think we can rule out fearless.

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