Dave's Fiction Warehouse

In which I bloviate about books, TV, movies, politics and other stuff -- all without the aid of ChatGPT!

  • Books
  • Movies
  • TV
  • politics
  • american life
  • Writing
  • Other Stuff

Connect

  • Email
  • Facebook

Powered by Genesis

Edward and Bella sittin’ in a tree …

November 18, 2011 by Dave Knadler

Was it good for you?

You know, I’m almost tempted to go see this new Twilight movie “Breaking Wind Dawn.” The last one I saw was so bad that it was almost fun to watch. Almost, but not quite. From the reviews I’m seeing, this latest one could be a genuine laff riot for somebody like me, who likes to sit around and annoy others by supplying his own humorous dialog during the romantic interludes.

My position on vegan vampires and their swooning girlfriends is well known: I don’t like them. I hate the whole premise of this Twilight series, wherein the undead and their hirsute cousins, the werewolves, must carefully cater to the fantasies of dopey girls and certain of their dopey mothers. That said, I gather from the trailers that Edward and Bella finally get up to some rough sex, and that Bella spends the rest of the movie clutching her lower abdomen like somebody who really regrets that last chili dog. So that could be a comedy goldmine right there.

I know these movies aren’t made for middle-aged cynics, and normally a man should not make fun of a movie he’s not seen. But the trailers have been running on TV nonstop, and like most trailers they pretty much tell you the whole story, leaving out only the boring parts. I’ve been able to deduce, for example, that Jacob is not happy with the nuptials and spends a lot of time running around like Kevin Bacon doing his angry dance in Footloose. I know that some bad werewolves wish to harm Bella’s restive fetus, and that Jacob decides to help her out. I know that at some point E. and B. take a refreshing dip in the Blue Lagoon. Finally, I know that everything turns out OK in the end, because I have not heard a lot of youthful lamentation out there in social-media land.

Actually, now that I think of it, that’s about all I need to know about “Breaking Dawn.” If a man is going to see only a couple of Twilight movies in his life, this has to be right up there in the top two.

More along these lines:

  • owen wilson with hemingway in midnight in parisIn ‘Midnight in Paris,’ the city is the star
  • ‘Dr. Zhivago,’ and a perfect special effect
  • It’s not so much about the movies
  • The guns of New Year’s
  • bridesmaids kristin wiig‘Bridesmaids’: Not just a chick flick

Filed Under: Movies

Comments

  1. Jean S. says

    November 18, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Oh Dave! You do crack me up!

Recent posts

  • Full frontal Florida
  • Later, alligator
  • A writer on top
    of the short-story game
  • ‘The Passenger’
    will please refrain
  • Floaters in the stream

Recent comments

  • John H. on Full frontal Florida
  • Rachel Kohl on Later, alligator
  • Dave Knadler on Later, alligator
  • John H. on Later, alligator
  • Dave Knadler on Later, alligator

FInd something

send dave cash

The obligatory PayPal donation button. Go ahead: Make my day.