Let’s just go straight to the fistfighting

I‘m loving these Republican debates. Not because they’re producing any bold new policy ideas, but because it’s the closest we’ll ever get to seeing pampered guys in suits pull knives on each other. If some network, say Fox, ever decides to develop this into a full-time reality show, they can call it Being Bellicose. Put these folks in tights and lock them in a cage and we’ll see who’s really fit to be president.

Throwing chairs: That’s what counts. That and being an asshole. If these stupid debates prove anything, it’s that policy ideas don’t mean a damned thing. Herman Cain, the one guy who’s proposed anything to actually debate — his 9-9-9 tax plan — was practically jeered out of the room. Apparently he didn’t get the memo that the only thing the base cares about is shooting illegal immigrants. Also, he was wearing a yellow tie. You can never be taken seriously unless you’re wearing a red one — or a subtle blue, but that can be considered subversive with this crowd. Ask Mitt Romney.

I wonder if Romney’s ever been in a fistfight. I had the feeling he was close to it last night. Rick Perry was this close to taking a swing — or pulling his Glock, but it’s too early in the campaign for that. It’s funny: These guys don’t disagree on anything that matters, but because they both want the same office, the oval one, they’re ready to rip out each other’s throat over insubstantial differences. Rage fueled by ambition: That’s a quality you really want in a person who controls the nuclear arsenal.