Dear American Express:
I regret to inform you that effective Aug. 2, I will cease payments on my outstanding credit-card debt. It is with a heavy heart that I take this action, but let me explain.
Last year at this time, in attempt to get a handle on expenses, I imposed a debt ceiling on myself. Now with the fiscal year nearly gone I see that I’m in danger of surpassing that debt ceiling. In retrospect, perhaps I should have waited on the car repairs, and the big-screen TV from Sears, and the power bill and the premium whiskey and the high-priced whores.
But the thing is, I didn’t. And there’s this debt ceiling. Yes, I consumed all these goods and services itemized on my bill, and normally I would bite the bullet and go ahead and make the payments. But then I’d be way beyond the debt ceiling, and I could never live with myself.
I’m sure you can understand. I’ve been a longtime customer and totally reliable until now. Since you’re a reputable company and a Facebook friend, I know you won’t take any punitive measures like imposing higher interest rates or cancelling my card. I trust that my nonpayment can remain our little secret, and that the various credit-rating firms need never hear of it. Right? What’s a little violation of trust between friends?
Thanks, American Express. Nothing personal. And I do look forward to charging more stuff soon. Like certain besuited blowhards in Congress, I don’t mind running up the bills. I just don’t like paying them.
John H. says
Yep, that pretty much sums (no pun intended) it up.
Wonderful! But didn’t you forget the part about taking an oath not to increase your revenue in order to be able to pay your bills?