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Attempted homicide for the holidays

November 27, 2010 by Dave Knadler

mohamed o. muhamud

A kid so nice they named him twice.

Kids today. One minute they’re TP-ing your house on Halloween, and the next minute they’re trying to blow up your Christmas tree-lighting ceremony and you with it. Hey, Mohamed Osman Mohamud: You’re grounded, young man. And don’t give me that look.

Used to be, an alienated kid would scrawl “F*ck you” in the bathroom stall and maybe shoplift some Twinkies. Now only mass murder will do. I know the great religion of Islam has nothing to do with this, but this steady stream of guys with some variation of “Mohamed” in their names, plotting evil deeds and shouting “Allahu akbar!” in the mirror — it’s beginning to get on my nerves. What is this fascination with blowing up strangers? Around here, we prefer sit-ins, or boycotting offensive TV shows, or buying only organically-grown produce. In the Portland area especially, killing a bunch of people standing around a Christmas tree just isn’t done.

There are a lot of reasons to hate Al-Qaeda and its seemingly endless supply of mouth-breathing sycophants named Mohamed or Faisal or Nidal or Umar. But I guess the biggest one is how high they’ve raised the bar for outrageous behavior. Forget protest or engagement or writing strongly worded letters; there’s only one tactic now, and it’s anonymous large-scale homicide. What a world.

These bastards are the bubonic plague of our age. But at least they’re still pretty stupid.

More along these lines:

  • just topeka itA corporate sense of humor
  • dream cafe seinfeldA tale of two restaurants
  • Curse the dictators and dilettantes
  • former sen. chris dodd, champion of SOPADon’t pick up the SOPA
  • At the sound of the tone …

Filed Under: Other Stuff, terrorism

About Dave Knadler

Obscure writer. Lazy photographer. Bashful guitarist. Perhaps too fond of wine. Tireless nemesis of New York Times crosswords.

Comments

  1. John H. says

    November 29, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Fortunately, God was too busy to help this kid – he was working on his plan to make the Buffalo Bills lose:
    http://espn.go.com/blog/afceast/post/_/id/22378/whirl-interrupted-steve-johnson-drops-ball

  2. Ryan says

    December 3, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    As a man originally from Pittsburgh, and a Steeler fan, that gave me a nice hearty laugh.

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