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It isn’t just Muslims who are mad

September 9, 2010 by Dave Knadler

Can't we burn "Twilight" instead?

Gather ’round, children. The witching hour approaches. It’s time for Daddy to pour himself a whiskey, throw another Koran on the fire, and relate certain tales that will make your blood run cold.

Don’t start crying. I’m kidding about the tales. And the whiskey. And the Koran. Incidentally, is it Koran or Quran? It’s become a matter of personal preference, I guess. Back in my newspaper days I could answer this question from a deep coma with deep certainty. But today, what with the new media and the death of the AP stylebook, the spelling is willy-nilly, ranging from the slurred phonetic to the original Arabic.

In any case, I have suspended my study on how much of this nation’s energy requirements could be met by burning Korans instead of coal. The Rev. Terry Jones continues to be coy on whether or not his flock of nearly 50 will indeed set fire to a pile of the sacred texts, and without that there’s simply no telling. I do know that Muslim outrage might equal the output of four or five nuclear power plants, but that heat is being generated in places where they really don’t need it.

Here in Kansas, old Fred Phelps has to be fuming. When it comes to bat-shit lunacy, he’s been walking the walk for two decades. God hates fags, right? Fred also points out that he was burning Korans long before it was cool. He always meant to trigger an international incident, but there were just too many military funerals to desecrate. Then this upstart Jones, with his Fu Manchu mustache, comes along and gets global attention just by planning a stinking bonfire. Where’s the justice?

Sorry, Fred. But don’t be too hard on the Rev. Jones. Yeah, he’s Lady Gaga and you’re Britney Spears, but that wasn’t God’s doing. It was CNN’s.

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Filed Under: Media, Other Stuff

Comments

  1. Bart Wilcox says

    September 10, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Good stuff. Giving Fu Manchu a bad name, no mean accomplishment.

  2. Michael Knadler says

    September 10, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Excellent work. So glad to see that someone gets that this is international news because CNN is trying to make it into something it is not. 50 people in a cult is not indicative of a mass movement. As for Phelps, no one will ever beat him for the Crazies Award. He has my vote at least. I mean man if you are going to throw out every precept of the religion that you profess belief in to go on a homosexual witch hunt, you have to be touched … by an angel maybe but more likely a little too much horsing around in seminary. I honestly hope that Phelps keeps it up; he is inspired reading for everyone that thinks about religion fully. He is the poster child for “When Religion Goes Bad”

  3. Stock says

    September 10, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Nice, Knadler.

    Entertainment currently making the internet rounds: Why don’t they just download the Koran on their Kindles and then angrily delete them?

  4. Dave Knadler says

    September 10, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Ha! Wish I’d thought of that …

  5. Ryan says

    September 12, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Would save some paper! Haha

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