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Check your dignity at the gate

December 29, 2009 by Dave Knadler

As long as they’ve got a limitless supply of credulous young males who don’t mind cramming explosives into their underpants and trying to kill everybody around them, we’re not going to prevail in this airport-security thing. Because all we’ve got are 50,000 TSA employees who are most concerned with preventing your grandmother from getting through security with an artificial hip. If you’re a radical young Muslim returning from Yemen, don’t have any luggage and are on a terror watch list, basically you’re good to go.

If there’s a bright spot in the Flight 253 incident, it’s that one al-Qaeda-inspired idiot is today having trouble urinating, as the result of a badly burned schlong. Sorry, Umar Farouk Abdul-whatever: That’s what happens when you don’t pay attention in suicide-bombing class. If permanent disability is too much to hope for, then I wish you a long and painful recovery. Good luck with the 70 virgins. I guess we can also hope that this will be a setback for al-Qaeda recruiting.
Presumably, this means the rest of us will soon be exposing our privates, in one way or other, as a condition of boarding an airplane. Personally, I can’t wait. But I wonder: At what level of indignity will travelers finally decide they really don’t need to fly to that business meeting in Duluth? Sure, it’s a long drive, but at least nobody’s frisking you at rest stops, or deciding you’ve got too much styling gel. And usually you don’t have to sit beside some mouth-breathing fanatic with a suspicious bulge in his BVDs.

Look: The terrorists are definitely winning. OK?  Their army of mind-numbed robots is apparently bigger than ours. And certainly more committed.  Anyway, they really don’t have to blow up any planes; they just have to make us all disrobe and bend over at the command of somebody making $13 an hour. So far, that seems to be working.

More along these lines:

  • No words
  • Should aulde resolutions be forgot?Should aulde resolutions be forgot?
  • troubled muslim youthAttempted homicide for the holidays
  • It’s all about
    the cowboy hats
  • A very "Seinfeld" reunionA very "Seinfeld" reunion

Filed Under: Featured, terrorism

About Dave Knadler

Obscure writer. Lazy photographer. Bashful guitarist. Perhaps too fond of wine. Tireless nemesis of New York Times crosswords, Wordle, Semantle and all other puzzles du jour.

Comments

  1. Ryan says

    December 30, 2009 at 4:20 am

    Only takes one to ruin it for the rest of us.

    As usual.

  2. Dave Knadler says

    December 30, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    Yes. The bastards are grinding us down.

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