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A family without grownups

October 16, 2009 by Dave Knadler

OK, I’m going to recommend that Richard Heene, part-time “scientist” and full-time twit, be horsewhipped. And I’d be happy to throw in a good spanking for little Falcon Heene, the foul-mouthed brat who might have benefited from an actual balloon ride straight to Camp Cut-Me-A-Switch, where children learn not to curse at grownups and otherwise waste the valuable time of their elders.

Corporal punishment may seem harsh, but remember that the balloon stunt wasn’t the first of their transgressions. There’s also the matter of their “Wife Swap” appearances, where they took the show’s unvarying theme — free-spirit vs. control freak — and drained it of even marginal interest because viewers hated everyone involved. The Heene clan came across as precisely what they are: pre-adolescent narcissists who will do anything — anything — to get on TV. Richard is the dad only by virtue of his age; it can’t have anything to do with maturity or judgment.

Was the balloon thing a hoax? Who cares? The man named his son Falcon, for crying out loud, and that’s a crime right there. Besides, anybody who calls the NBC affiliate before calling 911, as Heene did, clearly has bigger fish to fry than securing the safety of his son.

But this is what a decade of reality shows has brought us: A national stage for every quirky buffoon willing to up the ante in outrageous behavior. One of these days somebody’s going to get hurt. Let’s just hope they get it on tape.

More along these lines:

  • There will be second-guessingThere will be second-guessing
  • Who is John Galt these days?Who is John Galt these days?
  • sarah palin bus tourSorry, Sarah. You’ve had enough
  • Haven’t they suffered enough? Not reallyHaven’t they suffered enough? Not really
  • And now, more about meAnd now, more about me

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About Dave Knadler

Obscure writer. Lazy photographer. Bashful guitarist. Perhaps too fond of wine. Tireless nemesis of New York Times crosswords, Wordle, Semantle and all other puzzles du jour.

Comments

  1. Ryan says

    October 16, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Nice post. And as always a nice witty outtro.

    I had a chuckle.

  2. Anonymous says

    October 17, 2009 at 4:08 am

    You are doing outrage pretty well!

    Stock

  3. Henk says

    October 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    TeeVee Media and blogging twits are totally innocent, taken in by a little boy as they were. By all means beat the crap out of a little kid because his dad's a jerk and named him Falcon. That would be the mature thing to do, eh?

  4. Dave Knadler says

    October 27, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Glad we're on the same page.

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