So little is certain in this crazy world. But one great truth remains as constant as the stars: When two rednecks say they have Bigfoot in a freezer, they don’t.
I mean, this is pretty basic. And yet for a week or so, even reputable news services were covering the claims of Ricky Dyer and Mathew Whitton as news. Some even ran the ludicrous picture supplied by the pair, showing what appeared to be a Planet of the Apes mask, a couple of doormats and a platter of link sausages jammed into a freezer. Not sure what the garden hose was for. But that’s Sasquatch alright. I’d recognize him anywhere.
Now it falls to a web site devoted to Bigfoot-related dumb-assery to set the record straight. “I observed the foot which looked unnatural, reached in and confirmed it was a rubber foot,” wrote Steve Kulls of the Sasquatchdetective site. Science triumphs again. You’d think this sort of thing might somehow embarrass Mr. Kulls, but I guess if you run around calling yourself a “sasquatch detective,” you’re already largely immune to feelings of shame.
Anyway, we see again that without Bigfoot hoaxes, there can be no Bigfoot enthusiasts. Which is ample reason to lock up Dyer and Whitton and throw away the key.
Up, up and … down