God help me, I do love it so

I suppose if a man runs a personal blog, there’s no great harm in disclosing an embarrassing personal detail once in awhile. Here’s mine for January: I watch American Idol. What the hell, here’s another: I like it.

Not that I would ever admit this while watching the show in the company of others. During the two-hour season premiere last night, I was all snorts and sneers, dismissive of the talented and untalented alike. Somewhere in my childhood, I must have been taught that it was unmanly to watch shows in which people willingly trade dignity for camera time. Of course, I may have been taught that it’s unmanly to bloviate on topics about which I know nothing, but I’ve forgotten about that too.

Every Idol season starts off scripted for freak-show appeal — how else can you explain Humongous Afro guy or Monotone Bass guy getting in the door? I cringe at that sort of thing. But every now and then there’s something surprising and funny. Biggest laugh of the night was the video of the five or six adolescent girls waiting for the results of last year’s finale. When it turned out not to be David Archuleta, their anguished spaz-out was a joy to behold. I’ve got to watch that again — thanks, DVR. Second biggest laugh was Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five the blind guy — realizing one second too late that a blind guy might not be able to see his proffered hand.

Then there’s Bikini Girl — who can sing, yes, but her true talents seem to lie elsewhere. Wink wink.

I’ll be watching it again tonight, so no phone calls between 7 and 8 p.m. Central. And I would like to stipulate that no matter how much I watch the stupid show, I will never, ever hit speed dial to cast a vote. That really would be unmanly.

By they way, strictly off topic: a prize to the first person who identifies the source of my headline on this item.