Recently, at the invitation of my oldest daughter, I created a profile on Facebook. It’s not much of a profile: the same stupid picture I use here, a brief mention of my interests, the sort of music I listen to, favorite books and movies and so forth. So far, I have gathered together an elite cadre of three friends. That includes the daughter. (Not sure who that doofus is in the picture; wonder if he’d like to be my friend).
Friends are the currency of Facebook; like dollars, you can never have too many. The first thing you must do, after listing a few zany personal details, is start inviting everybody you can think of to be your friend. Everybody, no exceptions. I haven’t gotten around to that yet, but when I do, I expect to have so many friends that Facebook will have to add another server just to accommodate them all. Good friends. Then, when my page displays all the avatars, it will slow the Internet to a crawl.
Until then, I’m making do with just the three. We’ve been having great fun comparing our Pet Peeves, and favorite movies, and knowledge of U.S. geography, and who among us is most likely to be a lesbian (it was me, by the way). However, I’m not sure what I should do next. I keep looking at my Facebook page, but it rarely changes. Much like my blog. I suppose it comes back to the friend question.
It’s not as though there is a shortage of things to do, of course. You can “poke” someone, or “super poke” them. I haven’t done that yet because it seems, well, unseemly. You can dispatch a vampire to bite a friend. You can send a hug (not a real hug, that technology is still in its infancy); or you can send them a gift (not a real gift, that would be cost-prohibitive). In short, we’re talking about range of actions that will soon render all face-to-face contact superfluous. Or at least quite a bit less convenient.
Anyway, if you don’t already have a Facebook profile, I urge you to create one now. And be my friend. Social networks like Facebook and MySpace are truly the wave of the future, allowing drunken teens to foreclose career options quicker than ever before, and hackers new methods of pissing off Alicia Keys. They also are helping to close the gap between the haves here and the have-nots in Nigeria. You’ll want to get on this train before it leaves the station.